My review of the best food-consumption/regurgitation I've ever had.

In October 2002, I got to visit New York for the first time. It only lasted two days, but it was a trip full of memorable moments: I got to see Shellac for the first time, I tasted my first Krispy Kreme donut, I stepped into a Hooters for the first time (in New Jersey, which was worth its own post) and I experienced my first New-York sized hangover.

We got there late in the afternoon without hotel reservations, so after about an hour of frantic phone calls and manic driving around, we settled in our room at the Days Inn on 8th Avenue and hit the pavement to look for food and a decent watering hole where we could hopefully watch the Rangers game. One bar led to another, 6$ beers led to several 12$ gin and tonics, and before you know it I was drunk enough to yell "Freebird!" at the alt-country band playing in the back room of some hip bar in Gramercy Park.

I don't remember much about getting back to the hotel. I think it was raining.

The next morning, my friends told the zombie version of myself that we should all go get breakfast and visit Ground Zero. So we hop on the train and get off at Chambers Street, and decide to walk South and West until we see some kind of diner. Now, keep in mind, I feel like I'm about to die or possibly already dead the whole time. I feel sick, but they say the best hangover remedy is greasy food, so I can't wait to sit down and eat.

We're in Tribeca, everything is either closed or seems too expensive for us. At the corner of Greenwich we find the Gee Whiz diner, which seems overpriced but as good a place as we're likely to find in those circumstances. I order a cheese omelette with hash browns and coffee and hope for the best.

The food was quite bland by my standards, but still above the average of the American restaurants I've visited in my lifetime. If you're in the area, I guess I recommend it. I think the service was pretty good and fast. Anyways, that's not what was great about my visit there. After having eaten as much as I could, I paid my bill then headed for the bathroom with a pain in my belly, expecting some kind of harsh hangover diarrhea. I received so much more.

There was noone else in the bathroom, which always feels like a small victory. I stepped in a stall and closed the door behind me. The second I faced the toilet, it all came out in the most satisfying, blissful purge I've ever exprienced. I was thouroughly cleansed, and didn't splash a single drop on my shoes, which was almost a miracle considering how much of it missed the rim and splattered on the floor. I flushed and quickly stepped out without looking back.

So I'll give the Gee Whiz Diner two out of four stars, but my experience there rates about a seven.